In the school I teach in now, we have an inordinate number (to me anyway) of children who are being raised by a family member other than their parents. Grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins are some examples of the family members that are raising these kids.

In a 7th grade teachers’ meeting that we had a few weeks ago, our principal discussed some of the problems with some of our students. For each of the students that we discussed, the person that we were supposed to contact was someone other than a parent. My exclamation was “Where are the parents of these children!”  Maybe that was in somewhat bad taste, but I still had to ask the question. The reasons given were: prison, rehab, DHS and abandonment.

The school I teach in is not in an urban, inner-city area. My town would be considered an outlying suburb of a major city. Yet many of the issues that we have are found in these types of schools.

My big question is: “Is this the new family type- Mixed Family?”

For example, I had a young woman last year that had no problem talking back to me or disturbing my class. I am 6’4″ 220, she is 4’10″ 90lbs. When I took her to call her mother after class, the tears streamed down her face. Not the yelling and uncontrollable sobbing that you may get from overdramatic kids, just tears down the face, non-stop. The girl who had been such a show off and so “tough” in front of her peers was now exactly what she actually was: a typical teenage girl.

I teach in a school, where the majority of students are from economically disadvantaged homes. To these students, ANY possession is important. An object that may look meaningless or of trivial value to any other person has extreme sigificance to this particular group of students. A chewed up pencil, a worn out picture or a halfway torn up and faded cloth bracelet proves worth fighting for these folks.

I’ll give you an example. A student of mine had had some candy that was included with some kind of “goo” in its container. The candy itself was gone, but the goo was left in the container. When I spotted the child in my class with this, I told him to throw it away. The reaction that I received was as if I was telling him to throw away a handful of money. The student was willing to argue and receive punishment over this container that had some goo in it rather than to comply with an order. What told me that this was just about possession? His response: “But it’s mine!”

I have a couple of theories (really they’re just guesses) on why this may be true. One, I believe that some parents are so tired of dealing with the hormonal changes in their teenage children, that they try to distance themselves from any issues that their children may have in school. Two, may be a little more comman and truthful is that there may be younger children in school who are commanding the parental involvement, that had originally been given to the other child.

Whether my ideas are valid or not, I don’t know. I do see the diminishing parental involvement among some children as a reality. And I am not just talking about voluntary involvement. I am also talking about the times that a teacher tries to contact the parent(s) and get no answer or reply. This makes communication between the teachers and the parents difficult. The teachers become jaded toward trying to call and contact the parents. Then the parents get mad when they are not informed of problems. It is one of those vicious cycles.

I have read quite a bit of information written by Ruby Payne and others about teaching children who live in poverty areas. Many of the characteristics they discuss I can see each day.

I grew up in a working-class family; not wealthy by any definition, but certainly not impoverished.

I myself have a hard time dealing with the many personality issues of these young people. The need to “save face” in front of their peers. The thought that if they make a teacher mad, they “win”. Both of these at the risk of getting in trouble. I guess I think too logically or I had enough respect for my parents to not cause problems and embarrass them.

Living in an economically disadvantaged household is not a valid excuse. I have many other students, who live at the same economic level as these students that do what they are supposed to do, follow the rules and make good grades.

Those of you who have some of these experiences, or differing ones, please share your thoughts and opinions.

My question is: Does this really make the “unruly” kids want to behave or does this build up resentment toward the “good” kids that always qualify? Please share your thoughts.

Usually the most prevalent thing we find after Halloween is the presence of candy at school, either being distributed like contraband, being thrown or being consumed.

Should be interesting to see.